Memories DO Leave like People Do
This morning I was heading to the supermarket and thirty seconds after I left my driveway I remembered that my ex-wife was a little under the weather and I should call her.
I said “Hey Siri” to dial her handsfree (because I respect the law, okay) and it was when Siri refused to respond that I realised that I had forgotten my phone at home.
Now I could have easily returned home but I thought that surely I could do without my phone for the next hour or so.
The following is an approximate timeline of my inner monologue over the next hour or so.
In my car
11:31am
Me: My shopping list is in the ‘Out of Milk’ app but my exhibition-winning, university-educated intellect can figure out what I need, right?
Also Me: Sure dude
11:33am
Me: I have a bunch a limes I got from a workmate. I wonder if my sister needs any. Let me call her.
Also Me: Remember you don’t have a phone
11:34am
Me: Shoot, I forgot to call my ex-wife to see if she’s feeling better
Also Me: We just covered that. Plus, no phone dude.
At the supermarket
11:40am
Me: Right, let’s get started. Let’s see what on my ‘Out of Milk’ app
Also Me: No. Phone. Yuh brain like a sieve.
11:40am and 30 seconds
Me: Do I need cucumbers? Let’s check ‘Out of Milk’
Also Me: Yuh got no phone, dumbass
12:01pm
Me: Wait, was I out of pork chops? Let me check.
Also me: You like you dumpsy or something. No freaking phone. Plus, you can never have too much pork chops. Pick some up yuh freak!.
Queuing at the register.
12:15pm
Me: This line is really long. Let me kill some time by checking what my IG friends did last night
Also Me: You just might be mentally-defective
12:17pm
Me: Wait, has that Bohemian Rhapsody movie started in Barbados? Let me check the Limegrove Cinema website.
Also Me: Exhibition-winning, university-educated intellect my ass
12:20pm
Me: Do I have enough in my chequing account to cover this or do I need to transfer...
Also Me: Don't even finish that thought. 5 words: Gink. Go. Bil. O. Ba. Yuh better get some before yuh leave this supermarket.
In case you’re wondering, of the 17 items that were on my shopping list I had successfully picked up 12, along with 9 others that were not on the list and thus did not need.
Also Me may have been right and I am actually dumpsy. And possibly mentally defective.
And, I forgot to buy the Ginkgo biloba.
