The Robots Are Going To Win
I recently had reason to use a massage chair to help me with some severe back pains. It was a quite an experience.
As soon as I sat down and turned the thing on, a female voice whispered, “Sit back and relax during the assessment.” The chair then proceeded to rhythmically caress my body in stimulating waves stretching from my neck to my calves.
After about a minute of this, the voice whispered, “Please select your program.” I chose one of the acupressure settings and the thing starting massaging my shoulders. When I say that, I mean the chair seemed to grab my shoulders and start applying rhythmic pressure before working it’s way down my back. At one point it executed a series of staccato prods that felt like karate chops right down my back and up again.
It truly felt like someone was expertly manipulating the pressure points and alternating firm pressure with gentler caresses.
After 15 minutes there was a beep and the voice whispered, “Goodbye”.
It was glorious!
Afterwards I asked the chair if she was seeing anyone but she seems shy and hasn’t answered yet. Fingers crossed.
How you doing?
Ok I haven’t actually started a relationship with a massage chair. That would just be ridiculous, right?
Apparently not, because the sex doll with artificial intelligence business is booming right now. It may have started in China but it’s certainly spreading throughout the rest of the world.
These newest versions of super realistic sex dolls have sparked a level of online chatter that has kept the subject near the top of social media trends in the last few weeks. Everyone seems to have an opinion on their merits or lack thereof.
I can tell you’re doing just fine
Even though I’m a single man closing in on half century in age, I don’t think a sex doll is for me. And it’s not because I think it’s immoral or expensive or embarrassing or even stupid. It’s for 2 simple reasons.
First, the actual sex seems like it would be a lot of work. At this stage in my life I am not looking for a partner that isn’t going to do pretty much all the work herself. If I wanted to share the sex workload, I’d go for someone age appropriate. Pfffff ha ha ha ha haaaa. Me and someone age appropriate. Good one K-Bec.
Secondly, my housekeeper Latoya is incredibly pleasant, thorough, honest, intuitive to my needs and affordable. And also a devout and practicing Jehovah’s Witness. Now I have never specifically read Jehovah's Witness teachings, so I don’t know for certain what it says about persons having relations with hyperrealistic sex robots, but I am going to go out on a limb and say it frowns upon that practice. So I suspect that if in the process of cleaning my home Latoya was to encounter my sex doll… I’d soon be looking for a new housekeeper. An honest, reliable housekeeper is harder to find than sex.
So we humans have now designed artificial intelligence to satisfy our sexual urges. Surely this is simply the final stage of the robots’ grand plan to take over humanity. And you only have to look at today’s humans existing as mere points in a global electronic network of smart phones to know that the robots are going to win. The robots are going to enslave us and we will be powerless to resist because we're currently using the robots themselves to perform every function of our existence.
I don’t think I’d survive very long as a slave so let me be very clear. To ensure I live as comfortable a life as possible in the age of androids:
I. WILL. BETRAY. EVERY. ONE. OF. YOU.
I’ll be that human telling the robots where you all are hiding while pretending to be your friend. Then I will bow down to my robot overlords before going home to the Sandy Lane residence I will choose as my own, since the robots don’t need exquisite splendour like I do.
Hmmm. I wonder if I can convince the robots to spare Latoya. Those Sandy Lane rooms look difficult to keep tidy. But she would have to accept my robot wife that I will DEFINITELY have by then, no matter what the Jehovah's Witness teachings say.
